Ultraviolet - DJ
Wow…..wow…..I’m actually left speechless after seeing this movie. I had heard before I went in that this movie was what Aeon Flux should have been. No, this was what Aeon Flux was….a giant pile of crap. I’m not sure I can actually convey in this review how bad this movie actually is. It’s so bad that I went out and started drinking immediately after walking out of the theater.
Ultraviolet is about a woman who is a vampire like thing and is fighting against a controlling government who is trying to exterminate all of her kind. Of course going into this I wasn’t expecting any brilliant screenplay. I did go in expecting at least some cool fight scenes. You know how she kills off all the guys when she’s surrounded? I’d tell you, but I actually have no idea. She spun around and everyone fell over. The scenes she did actually fight were unfortunately hampered by the same problem found in The Bourne Supremacy and Resident Evil: Apocalypse. The camera is zoomed in and shaking around so you have absolutely no idea what’s going on. The only thing I was sure of was that for some reason there are a lot of ceramics in the future and anytime someone gets hit, they shatter and chunks fly everywhere. Much like the land of Narnia, apparently there is no blood in soldiers in the future. Despite wearing bright white uniforms there wasn’t a mark on them after Violet allegedly slashes them all with her sword that magically appears when she needs it. Given that, I’m not sure why they were so worried about this vampire disease….if no one has blood, how does it spread?
Ok, so the fight scenes were pretty crappy, but I know you’re wondering, how was the acting. I don’t expect much from action movies of this sort. What I received was lower than that expectation. Perhaps the most dramatic exchange was the generic villain telling Violet that it was on….after which she spun her sword around a bit and replied “yeah, it is.” I kind of felt like stabbing myself at this point.
The story, oh the story….I’d tell you more than my opening synopsis, but that’s about the extent of what I could figure out. I don’t really know what was happening in the movie and I’m not sure if that was because it wasn’t well written, I was distracted by everyone leaving the theater, or I was trying to determine if I could crush my head in a folding theater seat. I think it was all three. There’s really nothing else I can say on this subject.
I quite frankly don’t care which genre this movie is in….it gets zero stars. My enjoyment was also zero stars. I think it says something when the 12 year olds walked out early. The most enjoyment I’ve gotten out of this movie was writing this review and reading other reviews that tore it apart. In fact, I’ve included some of my favorite quotes at the end of this review. This can’t even be called a popcorn flick, but instead perhaps a feces throwing flick. As far as I’m concerned, the movie should have ended with an apology by the director and a prize for managing to sit through the whole thing. I think I’ve been punk’d.
Any genre: 0
Enjoyment: 0
Choice IMDB quotes:
“I signed up to IMDB for the sole purpose of warning anyone that wants to see this movie.”
“If you liked The Transporters, Underworlds, and Resident Evils, then you won’t like Ultraviolet….”
“This movie is absolutely horrible. The magnitude of its suck is unbelievable.”
Ultraviolet is about a woman who is a vampire like thing and is fighting against a controlling government who is trying to exterminate all of her kind. Of course going into this I wasn’t expecting any brilliant screenplay. I did go in expecting at least some cool fight scenes. You know how she kills off all the guys when she’s surrounded? I’d tell you, but I actually have no idea. She spun around and everyone fell over. The scenes she did actually fight were unfortunately hampered by the same problem found in The Bourne Supremacy and Resident Evil: Apocalypse. The camera is zoomed in and shaking around so you have absolutely no idea what’s going on. The only thing I was sure of was that for some reason there are a lot of ceramics in the future and anytime someone gets hit, they shatter and chunks fly everywhere. Much like the land of Narnia, apparently there is no blood in soldiers in the future. Despite wearing bright white uniforms there wasn’t a mark on them after Violet allegedly slashes them all with her sword that magically appears when she needs it. Given that, I’m not sure why they were so worried about this vampire disease….if no one has blood, how does it spread?
Ok, so the fight scenes were pretty crappy, but I know you’re wondering, how was the acting. I don’t expect much from action movies of this sort. What I received was lower than that expectation. Perhaps the most dramatic exchange was the generic villain telling Violet that it was on….after which she spun her sword around a bit and replied “yeah, it is.” I kind of felt like stabbing myself at this point.
The story, oh the story….I’d tell you more than my opening synopsis, but that’s about the extent of what I could figure out. I don’t really know what was happening in the movie and I’m not sure if that was because it wasn’t well written, I was distracted by everyone leaving the theater, or I was trying to determine if I could crush my head in a folding theater seat. I think it was all three. There’s really nothing else I can say on this subject.
I quite frankly don’t care which genre this movie is in….it gets zero stars. My enjoyment was also zero stars. I think it says something when the 12 year olds walked out early. The most enjoyment I’ve gotten out of this movie was writing this review and reading other reviews that tore it apart. In fact, I’ve included some of my favorite quotes at the end of this review. This can’t even be called a popcorn flick, but instead perhaps a feces throwing flick. As far as I’m concerned, the movie should have ended with an apology by the director and a prize for managing to sit through the whole thing. I think I’ve been punk’d.
Any genre: 0
Enjoyment: 0
Choice IMDB quotes:
“I signed up to IMDB for the sole purpose of warning anyone that wants to see this movie.”
“If you liked The Transporters, Underworlds, and Resident Evils, then you won’t like Ultraviolet….”
“This movie is absolutely horrible. The magnitude of its suck is unbelievable.”
posted by DJ | 10:11 AM
1 Comments:
Any movie called "Ultraviolet" that has a main character named "Violet" has to be horrible.
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