Trapped in the Closet - DJ
For those of you that haven’t heard of this “masterpiece,” Trapped in the Closet is R. Kelly’s ongoing narrative that is released one chapter at a time. To the casual observer, every one of the 12 chapters on the DVD sounds like the exact same song with the words changed. To those of us who pay more attention, every one of the 12 chapters on the DVD sounds like the exact same song with the words changed. Needless to say, you don’t go into this one for the music itself.
There’s so much to say about this “video,” and yet after watching it I was left completely speechless by its extensive craposity. Have you ever seen one of those movies that is so bad it’s funny? Evil Dead is of course the first one that comes to mind. This is not the level Trapped in the Closet is on. Below that level are the movies that are so bad they’re not even funny anymore. In fact, you feel nauseous after watching them…yes, I’m looking in your direction Charlie’s Angel’s: Full Throttle. Nope, we still haven’t reached the level of this movie. There’s another level below the nauseous one at which your complete disbelief in the pile of crap you’re watching makes it funny once again. This is the level at which we find Trapped in the Closet. With such lyrics as “Then a tear fell up out my eye,” this yet unfinished lyrical waste pile may be one of the funniest things I have ever watched.
Every chapter ends with a “cliffhanger” of sorts which basically amounts to something repeated in an echo fashion to let you know that was the cliffhanger. In addition to just these cliffhangers, there are of course wild plot twists that would surprise anyone with an IQ less than 58 were it not for them being distracted by hysterical laughter caused by the lyrics. About 3 minutes into the video anyone not doubled over in pain from laughing too hard determines that any character with a significant other in the video is probably cheating on this. Even R. Kelly must have figured out this was fairly predictable, so by Chapter 9 he manages to eliminate all pretenses of seriousness. Unfortunately for him, I’m pretty sure that wasn’t his intention. Fortunately for me, this rekindled my hysteria.
Just in case the actual storyline wasn’t funny enough on its own, R. Kelly seems to have absolutely no comprehension of the size of a human being. In Chapter 1 the husband, after determining his wife is cheating on him, for some reason searches in the dresser drawer. I’m sorry, who exactly fits in a dresser drawer? In Chapter 9, a completely different husband checks behind the refrigerator. Why? Who are you going to find behind the refrigerator. I guess it all fits in with the crazy Russian that broke my door down and searched my backpack for his wife. That’s apparently just what you do when your wife is cheating on you, and apparently R. Kelly has more experience in cheating than me.
As a comedy, I’m going to give this one four stars. I’ve watched it a couple times in one week and it’s so incredibly ridiculous that I don’t see this getting old anytime soon. As a drama (as I’m pretty sure it was intended), I give it 0 stars. Not only is it predictable, the lyrics are laughable at best or written by a 3 year old gang member at worst. If you’re actually a big fan of R. Kelly, stay away from this one, you’d try too hard to actually respect it and end up either disappointed or creating a self delusion that it was great. If you’re the kind of person that laughs at the rap industry’s self-deification and is enjoying their downward spiral into diluted obscurity, this one should be high on your list. On my personal enjoyment scale, this is a strong four stars.
Comedy: ****
Drama: o
Enjoyment: ****
There’s so much to say about this “video,” and yet after watching it I was left completely speechless by its extensive craposity. Have you ever seen one of those movies that is so bad it’s funny? Evil Dead is of course the first one that comes to mind. This is not the level Trapped in the Closet is on. Below that level are the movies that are so bad they’re not even funny anymore. In fact, you feel nauseous after watching them…yes, I’m looking in your direction Charlie’s Angel’s: Full Throttle. Nope, we still haven’t reached the level of this movie. There’s another level below the nauseous one at which your complete disbelief in the pile of crap you’re watching makes it funny once again. This is the level at which we find Trapped in the Closet. With such lyrics as “Then a tear fell up out my eye,” this yet unfinished lyrical waste pile may be one of the funniest things I have ever watched.
Every chapter ends with a “cliffhanger” of sorts which basically amounts to something repeated in an echo fashion to let you know that was the cliffhanger. In addition to just these cliffhangers, there are of course wild plot twists that would surprise anyone with an IQ less than 58 were it not for them being distracted by hysterical laughter caused by the lyrics. About 3 minutes into the video anyone not doubled over in pain from laughing too hard determines that any character with a significant other in the video is probably cheating on this. Even R. Kelly must have figured out this was fairly predictable, so by Chapter 9 he manages to eliminate all pretenses of seriousness. Unfortunately for him, I’m pretty sure that wasn’t his intention. Fortunately for me, this rekindled my hysteria.
Just in case the actual storyline wasn’t funny enough on its own, R. Kelly seems to have absolutely no comprehension of the size of a human being. In Chapter 1 the husband, after determining his wife is cheating on him, for some reason searches in the dresser drawer. I’m sorry, who exactly fits in a dresser drawer? In Chapter 9, a completely different husband checks behind the refrigerator. Why? Who are you going to find behind the refrigerator. I guess it all fits in with the crazy Russian that broke my door down and searched my backpack for his wife. That’s apparently just what you do when your wife is cheating on you, and apparently R. Kelly has more experience in cheating than me.
As a comedy, I’m going to give this one four stars. I’ve watched it a couple times in one week and it’s so incredibly ridiculous that I don’t see this getting old anytime soon. As a drama (as I’m pretty sure it was intended), I give it 0 stars. Not only is it predictable, the lyrics are laughable at best or written by a 3 year old gang member at worst. If you’re actually a big fan of R. Kelly, stay away from this one, you’d try too hard to actually respect it and end up either disappointed or creating a self delusion that it was great. If you’re the kind of person that laughs at the rap industry’s self-deification and is enjoying their downward spiral into diluted obscurity, this one should be high on your list. On my personal enjoyment scale, this is a strong four stars.
Comedy: ****
Drama: o
Enjoyment: ****
posted by DJ | 8:44 AM
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